i haven't visited this blog for so long. i didn't intend to. but i've decided-- i can't just let it be inside. i need to express what i feel in my heart, maybe this will disentangle my emotions.

it all started last year when i did something very, very wrong to tiffany. i don't know why i did it, but stupidly, i still did. then she got angry, understandably.

this year, it got alot worse when i took over as csm. i did my best, but my best wasn't good enough for the others. tiffany wouldn't even talk to me. how was i supposed to work with her? but still, i tried. i guess it did work out for awhile, rather forcefully. but at least we talked.

then, it came to a point whereby jaslyn, huiyi and miranda, my long time best buds, started to distance themselves from me. i was confused-- i didn't understand. jaslyn told me that if there's anything, i can go to her, as long as it helps. but now, she wouldn't even look at me. it hurts that i've let her into my mind and told her my thoughts, but now she is turning her back on me.

then julie. she used to ask me to look for her almost every week to talk about cca problems. she even once promised me that she will definitely tell me if there's anything that i'm doing wrongly.. but now, it seemed as if she has ganged up with them to go against me.

and now tiffany, jaslyn, eewen, huiyi and miranda and best buds. i'm on the outside. i don't know how i became the underdog. watching them laugh and tell secrets to each other, and knowing that i was once in that position, it didn't feel good. i was on the verge of tears almost everyday. like seriously. i really don't understand why this world can be so complicated.

sometimes i wish this world can be devoid.

no more loneliness.
no more sadness.
no more hurt.
no more pain.
no more cold.
no more unfairness.
no more misunderstandings.
no more bad influence.
no more bad mouthing.
no more segregation.
no more.